Three comments. One, "getting married" need not (and in my mind should not) involve getting a marriage license and being official about it. Doing so makes the state a party in your marriage, and gives it rights over your children. I hope the definition of getting married can change so informal but deeply felt commitments (perhaps solemnified in a religious institution but that's another whole area of control) can be honored by the couple and the community as marriage.
Re: South Korea, it was the subject of a draconian "population control" agenda (instigated and managed by the west but enacted by Korean officials) from the 1970s to the 1990s, not quite as bad as that in China but almost. Traditional families were deeply affected, and 1.7 million coerced abortions were done on women who just wanted to be wives and mothers. The result has been a generation or two of young women who do not wish to marry or become mothers. Perhaps the sweet Hallmark-style TV shows you describe can thaw their hearts.
As for me, I'm one of the few in my friend circle who does not have grandchildren. My oldest son just found the love of his life this year, at age 43, and at 41, she is not likely to be having children. It is a disappointment to me, but c'est la vie. I have been alone for 30+ years and don't expect to find a mate now that I'm entering the geriatric phase--but who knows! It could happen. I'm content either way.
I agree that the state should not be involved in marriage. As you say, that gives them the power to control (and define) marriage. Better to have one's union solemnized in whatever way one wishes, and then have a private contract, which can be used, in the event of dissolution, in a private court.
I did not know that about South Korea. That is monstrous. What was the excuse/rationale?
It is good to be content either way. I am certainly glad that you got to have children!!
Totally agree on the problem of making the State a party to your relationship. If I recall correctly, marriage licenses in the U.S. bubbled up after the Civil War and became nearly universal in the prior century when immigration from the poorer parts of Europe peaked. The licenses were a way for government to exercise some measure of control over families, with the "bonus" of extracting a licensing fee (which government officials LOVE to do).
there was an old saying that struck me when i was young and stuck. it was "be in the world but not of it". i married young. i rarely talk about my children as they don't define me & most people just want to tell me about theirs. i had 6, a daughter has 5, another daughter has 8, a son has 4 & is raising 6 total as his own. i also have 4 grt grands. i spent a lot of yrs of my life with them and then I flew the nest.
as for marriage, i hold the bond & promise sacred & beautiful between 2 individuals & families. as for what it has become with the state it is merely a business contract with the state. i saw that clearly with my 2nd divorce/disolution in 2017. i won't marry again but will walk "with" until we don't anymore. I do that with all people. few get access to my private space. I support marriage but don't need or recommend to anyone anymore to get married although when I had children that contract mediation was beneficial as he proved he would not help support them otherwise.
loneliness? i was lonely with people. now, i might be lonely for a bit & then content & busy a few minutes later. it comes & goes like any mood. missing what was, learning new places, new ways may make you realize you are alone, even like a fish out of water, is not really "loneliness". walking alone is ok but it is always or can be more fun with others, even if just a few steps. i can go around people, go knock on a neighbors door, say hi, chat. i miss certain people but some of them have been dead for decades.
"i rarely talk about my children as they don't define me & most people just want to tell me about theirs."
—Very cool. We can do all that parents should do, and more, and yet still remain more than JUST parents. I know some people are very much wrapped up in their identities and parents, though, and I don't judge that either. It's all good.
" i had 6, a daughter has 5, another daughter has 8, a son has 4 & is raising 6 total as his own. i also have 4 grt grands."
—THANK YOU, and thank you to your family, for participating in the ongoing creation of the universe!
"sacred & beautiful between 2 individuals & families."
—Very good point about the two families, too. That is an important aspects—the joining of clans, the making of new and genetically diverse people—very good!
"although when I had children that contract mediation was beneficial as he proved he would not help support them otherwise."
—Yup. This, of course, can also be accomplished using private contracts and private courts.
"loneliness? i was lonely with people. now, i might be lonely for a bit & then content & busy a few minutes later."
—We call get feelings of loneliness. But what gets me are the people who are actually alone. Who have no one, or few contacts in their life. That makes me sad.
ty for all your reply & your comments. ❤️ i have very few. my mom is my best friend, i rarely talk to my children beyond that I have my address & adopted family in arkansas about 90 miles away. 1 other good friend in Ga.
it has been different traveling & roaming alone, altho I have 2 cats i picked up. (i am the weird, cool, so i have been told, lady with cats) & i am glad to finally have landed. the elderly & disabled , housebound with no one or busy family that rarely visits or helps makes me sad.
I am glad that you have some folks. And that you get to travel. If you are of a sociable turn, as you seem perhaps to me, then solo travel can still involve meeting and interacting with lots of people.
"housebound with no one or busy family that rarely visits or helps makes me sad."
—There is something to be said for the family farm/family compound.
"altho I have 2 cats i picked up. (i am the weird, cool, so i have been told, lady with cats)"
Two cats is a lady with cats. 15 cats is a Cat-lady. Big difference!
i am not so social but i know how to interact & relate with people. i am very private but i am old school customer service. my work & jobs had me interacting with large numbers (100's) of the same people on a daily basis and then groups of them could totally change 2 months later. (1 job was school bus driver, avg 230 children twice a day & 200 plus drivers, aides, mechanics & routing, dispatch, parents, school principals, up to VP's, etc).
out here i floated on conservation lands, truck stops, etc and had 2 yrs with very little & limited human contact. i loved it. i had to learn to be around & talk with different people again. i don't relate well with most ppl anymore, our lives are very different & that is ok. i wish em well. get some of us together & somebody has to knock on others doors sometimes. 😂
Why are there so many who seem convinced that our most critical challenge is over population? I think it boils down to what Paul was talking about in Ephesians 6:12, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." According to the Bible, from the beginning of the world, Satan and his Demon hoards have been the enemies of mankind. Even when the were only two, he thought the world was over populated; he wanted them to eat the forbidden fruit and die before they could "multiple and replenish the earth."
Ever since, we have been to some degree wrestling against the desire of Satan to depopulate the earth. I'm sure that he is behind the Malthusians, the anti-family, the the euthanasians, and abortionists.
My favorite answer to overpopulationists is: Outer space exploration and colonization.
Humanity will not be contained to this one planet very much longer. This universe is a big place, with room for uncountable numbers of humans and other life forms. And, open frontiers have always been a boon to freedom- and liberty-loving folks.
Of course, some will, there will always be naysayers. Whether it’s the evil cruelites who want to turn this planet into a prison, or all those who prefer to sit on their hands and just bitch and moan.
It’s up to the those few, as it always is, who are willing to put in the effort to invent and explore and produce the future we want to experience.
It is a pity our lives are so short and truncated so that for some the wisdom and understanding of self and others that make a happy and successful family come too late in life to build and sustain the kind of joyful and fulfilling relationship that I know is possible and raise healthy sane and successful children. The rewards can be so wonderful, yet there is little that is more miserable than failure in the home, and even to recognize and marry that authentic soul mate. It is inspiring to hear of your success in this vital area and only wish that you could have had that longer reproductive health span to have raised a much bigger family of beautiful souls educated in great values. Yet we are eternal beings, there will be more opportunities to reach for these magnificent heights of happiness and creativity. I look forward to a life where the hard lessons learned here may carry over to a more successful primary love relationship and the sweet fruits thereof.
I feel you and agree on all of that. And thank you.
It's funny, I had a strange surety that it would work out for me, even though it took ages and a lot of encounters and attempted relationships.
Maybe that surety and hard work helped me, but I realized later that lots of people just aren't so lucky. I reconnected online with an old gf from A LONG time ago, only to hear her say that there was no one really serious for her after me. That made me so sad.
But modernity really is playing a role—it's not just bad luck. It used to be that all societal norms were screaming at us to marry and make children. Yes, it did not always work out, and there were many longsuffering relationships. But there was also a lot less loneliness, and a lot more babies. I think we need cultural change.
And maybe we should also start a distributed nation dating site/service!
Oh, and you are right about a DN dating service. It would be a great service to help bring together those of us awakening souls who are sane enough to recognize the "first principles" which apply as much to the successful and happy productive relationships between individual couples as well as those of the larger population.
You are right about it not just being luck, or rather we are the creators of our so called luck, and as a race we have created a pretty dismal situation here. Most think we have made progress from the brute cave man stage to a relatively enlightened age, but that is just amnesia and denial. I think there have been much more enlightened ages that are now forgotten and suppressed by a negative force that all who come into this learning and testing construct must overcome and learn to deal with. We are a fallen race from a long forgotten golden age. We learn so much early on that is widely accepted by most that is quite false, and are not taught by precept or example so much that is vital and necessary to know for real happness and true success. It's amazing that there are any who come into this world and in such a short time are able to see through the lies, deceptions and misunderstandings to find their way to build a reality tunnel of joy, safety and happy connections in the short lives that they are given.
I think the numbers of people who, as you say, "are able to see through the lies, deceptions and misunderstandings to find their way to build a reality tunnel of joy, safety and happy connections" is growing. We must do our best to keep it growing!
After not being married for over 30 years, I found my third wife on an Internet dating site in late 2020. Fake pandemic be damned. "Make-a da bambinos"...we're trying but Social Security doesn't cover the costs.
Probably in another life I could have gotten into that song. Thanks though, better than most music videos over the last 25 years.
Three comments. One, "getting married" need not (and in my mind should not) involve getting a marriage license and being official about it. Doing so makes the state a party in your marriage, and gives it rights over your children. I hope the definition of getting married can change so informal but deeply felt commitments (perhaps solemnified in a religious institution but that's another whole area of control) can be honored by the couple and the community as marriage.
Re: South Korea, it was the subject of a draconian "population control" agenda (instigated and managed by the west but enacted by Korean officials) from the 1970s to the 1990s, not quite as bad as that in China but almost. Traditional families were deeply affected, and 1.7 million coerced abortions were done on women who just wanted to be wives and mothers. The result has been a generation or two of young women who do not wish to marry or become mothers. Perhaps the sweet Hallmark-style TV shows you describe can thaw their hearts.
As for me, I'm one of the few in my friend circle who does not have grandchildren. My oldest son just found the love of his life this year, at age 43, and at 41, she is not likely to be having children. It is a disappointment to me, but c'est la vie. I have been alone for 30+ years and don't expect to find a mate now that I'm entering the geriatric phase--but who knows! It could happen. I'm content either way.
Great comments, all three.
I agree that the state should not be involved in marriage. As you say, that gives them the power to control (and define) marriage. Better to have one's union solemnized in whatever way one wishes, and then have a private contract, which can be used, in the event of dissolution, in a private court.
I did not know that about South Korea. That is monstrous. What was the excuse/rationale?
It is good to be content either way. I am certainly glad that you got to have children!!
Totally agree on the problem of making the State a party to your relationship. If I recall correctly, marriage licenses in the U.S. bubbled up after the Civil War and became nearly universal in the prior century when immigration from the poorer parts of Europe peaked. The licenses were a way for government to exercise some measure of control over families, with the "bonus" of extracting a licensing fee (which government officials LOVE to do).
That was a cool song
Thanks, Christopher
Glad you enjoyed it. I usually focus on the music, but I loved its video too.
Your Substack post was timely.
I am glad to hear that. Can you tell me why, though? (If not, that's cool too.)
there was an old saying that struck me when i was young and stuck. it was "be in the world but not of it". i married young. i rarely talk about my children as they don't define me & most people just want to tell me about theirs. i had 6, a daughter has 5, another daughter has 8, a son has 4 & is raising 6 total as his own. i also have 4 grt grands. i spent a lot of yrs of my life with them and then I flew the nest.
as for marriage, i hold the bond & promise sacred & beautiful between 2 individuals & families. as for what it has become with the state it is merely a business contract with the state. i saw that clearly with my 2nd divorce/disolution in 2017. i won't marry again but will walk "with" until we don't anymore. I do that with all people. few get access to my private space. I support marriage but don't need or recommend to anyone anymore to get married although when I had children that contract mediation was beneficial as he proved he would not help support them otherwise.
loneliness? i was lonely with people. now, i might be lonely for a bit & then content & busy a few minutes later. it comes & goes like any mood. missing what was, learning new places, new ways may make you realize you are alone, even like a fish out of water, is not really "loneliness". walking alone is ok but it is always or can be more fun with others, even if just a few steps. i can go around people, go knock on a neighbors door, say hi, chat. i miss certain people but some of them have been dead for decades.
sex is a whole other issue. lolololol
"i rarely talk about my children as they don't define me & most people just want to tell me about theirs."
—Very cool. We can do all that parents should do, and more, and yet still remain more than JUST parents. I know some people are very much wrapped up in their identities and parents, though, and I don't judge that either. It's all good.
" i had 6, a daughter has 5, another daughter has 8, a son has 4 & is raising 6 total as his own. i also have 4 grt grands."
—THANK YOU, and thank you to your family, for participating in the ongoing creation of the universe!
"sacred & beautiful between 2 individuals & families."
—Very good point about the two families, too. That is an important aspects—the joining of clans, the making of new and genetically diverse people—very good!
"although when I had children that contract mediation was beneficial as he proved he would not help support them otherwise."
—Yup. This, of course, can also be accomplished using private contracts and private courts.
"loneliness? i was lonely with people. now, i might be lonely for a bit & then content & busy a few minutes later."
—We call get feelings of loneliness. But what gets me are the people who are actually alone. Who have no one, or few contacts in their life. That makes me sad.
ty for all your reply & your comments. ❤️ i have very few. my mom is my best friend, i rarely talk to my children beyond that I have my address & adopted family in arkansas about 90 miles away. 1 other good friend in Ga.
it has been different traveling & roaming alone, altho I have 2 cats i picked up. (i am the weird, cool, so i have been told, lady with cats) & i am glad to finally have landed. the elderly & disabled , housebound with no one or busy family that rarely visits or helps makes me sad.
I am glad that you have some folks. And that you get to travel. If you are of a sociable turn, as you seem perhaps to me, then solo travel can still involve meeting and interacting with lots of people.
"housebound with no one or busy family that rarely visits or helps makes me sad."
—There is something to be said for the family farm/family compound.
"altho I have 2 cats i picked up. (i am the weird, cool, so i have been told, lady with cats)"
Two cats is a lady with cats. 15 cats is a Cat-lady. Big difference!
TY for defining & clarifying that for me!!! 😂😂😂
i am not so social but i know how to interact & relate with people. i am very private but i am old school customer service. my work & jobs had me interacting with large numbers (100's) of the same people on a daily basis and then groups of them could totally change 2 months later. (1 job was school bus driver, avg 230 children twice a day & 200 plus drivers, aides, mechanics & routing, dispatch, parents, school principals, up to VP's, etc).
out here i floated on conservation lands, truck stops, etc and had 2 yrs with very little & limited human contact. i loved it. i had to learn to be around & talk with different people again. i don't relate well with most ppl anymore, our lives are very different & that is ok. i wish em well. get some of us together & somebody has to knock on others doors sometimes. 😂
It certainly became more difficult to relate to people during/after Covid!
truly so
Why are there so many who seem convinced that our most critical challenge is over population? I think it boils down to what Paul was talking about in Ephesians 6:12, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." According to the Bible, from the beginning of the world, Satan and his Demon hoards have been the enemies of mankind. Even when the were only two, he thought the world was over populated; he wanted them to eat the forbidden fruit and die before they could "multiple and replenish the earth."
Ever since, we have been to some degree wrestling against the desire of Satan to depopulate the earth. I'm sure that he is behind the Malthusians, the anti-family, the the euthanasians, and abortionists.
Right there with you, Jesse. Being anti-life is great wickedness!
My favorite answer to overpopulationists is: Outer space exploration and colonization.
Humanity will not be contained to this one planet very much longer. This universe is a big place, with room for uncountable numbers of humans and other life forms. And, open frontiers have always been a boon to freedom- and liberty-loving folks.
Agreed! But won't they just say that it won't come fast enough to prevent the "destruction of the planet"?
Of course, some will, there will always be naysayers. Whether it’s the evil cruelites who want to turn this planet into a prison, or all those who prefer to sit on their hands and just bitch and moan.
It’s up to the those few, as it always is, who are willing to put in the effort to invent and explore and produce the future we want to experience.
Amen, brother.
It is a pity our lives are so short and truncated so that for some the wisdom and understanding of self and others that make a happy and successful family come too late in life to build and sustain the kind of joyful and fulfilling relationship that I know is possible and raise healthy sane and successful children. The rewards can be so wonderful, yet there is little that is more miserable than failure in the home, and even to recognize and marry that authentic soul mate. It is inspiring to hear of your success in this vital area and only wish that you could have had that longer reproductive health span to have raised a much bigger family of beautiful souls educated in great values. Yet we are eternal beings, there will be more opportunities to reach for these magnificent heights of happiness and creativity. I look forward to a life where the hard lessons learned here may carry over to a more successful primary love relationship and the sweet fruits thereof.
I feel you and agree on all of that. And thank you.
It's funny, I had a strange surety that it would work out for me, even though it took ages and a lot of encounters and attempted relationships.
Maybe that surety and hard work helped me, but I realized later that lots of people just aren't so lucky. I reconnected online with an old gf from A LONG time ago, only to hear her say that there was no one really serious for her after me. That made me so sad.
But modernity really is playing a role—it's not just bad luck. It used to be that all societal norms were screaming at us to marry and make children. Yes, it did not always work out, and there were many longsuffering relationships. But there was also a lot less loneliness, and a lot more babies. I think we need cultural change.
And maybe we should also start a distributed nation dating site/service!
Oh, and you are right about a DN dating service. It would be a great service to help bring together those of us awakening souls who are sane enough to recognize the "first principles" which apply as much to the successful and happy productive relationships between individual couples as well as those of the larger population.
I would definitely do this. I have a lot of plates spinning, and would need help, but this is a worthy endeavor!!
You are right about it not just being luck, or rather we are the creators of our so called luck, and as a race we have created a pretty dismal situation here. Most think we have made progress from the brute cave man stage to a relatively enlightened age, but that is just amnesia and denial. I think there have been much more enlightened ages that are now forgotten and suppressed by a negative force that all who come into this learning and testing construct must overcome and learn to deal with. We are a fallen race from a long forgotten golden age. We learn so much early on that is widely accepted by most that is quite false, and are not taught by precept or example so much that is vital and necessary to know for real happness and true success. It's amazing that there are any who come into this world and in such a short time are able to see through the lies, deceptions and misunderstandings to find their way to build a reality tunnel of joy, safety and happy connections in the short lives that they are given.
I think the numbers of people who, as you say, "are able to see through the lies, deceptions and misunderstandings to find their way to build a reality tunnel of joy, safety and happy connections" is growing. We must do our best to keep it growing!
Fantastic! Put so succinctly! Thank you! 👍😊
Thanks!
After not being married for over 30 years, I found my third wife on an Internet dating site in late 2020. Fake pandemic be damned. "Make-a da bambinos"...we're trying but Social Security doesn't cover the costs.
Probably in another life I could have gotten into that song. Thanks though, better than most music videos over the last 25 years.
Congrats on the marriage! I met mine on a dating site too.
In generations past, people far poorer than us raised children. But of course, I also completely understand that that was then and this is now.
"better than most music videos over the last 25 years."
💯💯💯
Interesting insights into your life Christopher!