Freedom from Loneliness

Filter's 'Take a Picture' for #FreedomMusicFriday, plus Chapter 4.XX of 'The Distributed Nation.'

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.
—Mother Teresa

Loneliness bothers me.

Not so much my own—I have been with my wife since the beginning of this millennium, and a father since 2005, so I haven’t had much cause to feel lonely for quite a while. But the the thought of other people being lonely—that bothers me.

Plenty of people feel the same way, of course, but I think I got a little extra measure of it. The thought of people being alone, and being unhappy with their aloneness, truly hurts me—to a degree where I just have to compartmentalize the feeling and get on with my day.

It could be anyone. A child that the other kids are mean to. A man or woman who, more than anything in the world, just wants that special someone. An old person. Someone whom the rest of the world has simply forgotten. It’s hard to think about.

My wife and I went to some presentation (I don’t even remember what for) sometime in 2008. They had a daycare to watch the kids, and a monitor for parents to see what their kids were doing if they wished. I was unprepared for what I saw on that screen.

We left our son there, walked to the next room, and then looked in the monitor. He was just standing there, in the center of the room, not moving. There was activity all around, but he completely separate from all of it, just standing stock still. Imagine one of those scenes in a movie or TV show where the activity around him speeds up until it’s just a blur, and there’s just him, alone, with sad music playing. That is what it looked like. And it lasted a long time.

Of course, he was fine—by the time we got back 90 minutes later, he was playing and having fun. But the image of those first moments still haunts me for some reason. It haunts me in the same way as an image of a toddler left alone in a car seat, wondering why his mom left him behind. It haunts me like the image of an old person starting out the window of a nursing home. Or a friendless person walking down a crowded street, surrounded by people, but alone in her life, and in her heart.

I was just going to do this as a #FreedomMusicFriday post, with the cri-du-coeur from Filter’s “Take a Picture.”

Could everyone agree that
No one should be left alone?
Could everyone agree that
They should not be left alone?

It’s a good line from a good song, and it makes a good-enough #FMF post on its own. But then it occurred to me to wonder if there is a tie-in with our (distributed) nation.

We’ve talked about nobility and civility, in our exploration of who we want to be. We will be talking about freedom, of course, and humanity and happiness. Is there a place for a discussion of loneliness in all that?

People in the liberty movement are generally more comfortable on our own. Personality sometimes precedes politics, and naturally independent people tend to be drawn to ideas of freedom and individualism.

But all of that is happening within the context of an ultra-social species. We’re not komodo dragons. On a continuum of animals from the most solitary to the most social, our species is way down at the social end, and the most independent among us is still a social being. Genuine hermits are incredibly rare. Even introverts and individualists go crazy in solitary confinement.

We have already had a partial discussion of this topic in the context of the distributed nation. Our nation is not here to claim dominion over anyone or, God forbid, efface anyone’s individuality. We are a collection of individuals, not a blob.

But people still get lonely. Is it possible that we can help with that—at least without our own number?

Start social groups? Launch our own dating site? Look out for each other, and make sure no one is falling through the cracks? These things may be a little ways off, but it is worth giving it some preliminary consideration.

I have recently seen people expressing various conspiracy theories about Mother Teresa. I don’t know anything about those, but I do know that her quotes about loneliness seem spot on:

On certain continents, poverty is more spiritual than material, a poverty that consists of loneliness, discouragement, and the lack of meaning in life.

We certainly have licked most material poverty in the West. But there is also a sense that something is missing. Can we figure out what that is and work to alleviate it?

It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.

That too is a good point. There is a lot of talking of helping people in the abstract, but there are people right in front of us who need help too. Can we start to take a more local approach?

The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love.

If all we are is angry at the state—if that is what defines us—then anger is our identity. Angry is what we are. That does not do much good for ourselves and those around us in the short run, or for our cause in the long run. There is plenty to be angry about, but that cannot be all we are.

I am just going to leave it here for now, and we can start a conversation on it. This isn’t a planned installment of our discussion, but, like the post the day after Donald Trump won the election, I will make it an unofficial addition.

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Cover page | Preface | Introduction 1 | Introduction 2 | Introduction 3 |

(Part I) Why: 1.0 | 1.1 | 1.2 | 1.3 | 1.4 | 1.5 | 1.6 | 1.7 | 1.8 | 1.9 | 1.10 | 1.11 | 1.12 | 1.13 | 1.14 | 1.15 | 1.16 | 1.17 | 1.18 | 1.19 | 1.20 | 1.21 |1.22

(Part II) What: 2.0 | 2.1 | 2.2 | 2.3 | 2.4 | 2.5 | 2.6 | 2.7 | 2.8 | 2.9 | 2.10 I 2.11 | 2.12 | 2.13 | 2.14 | 2.15 | 2.16 | 2.17 | 2.XX | 2.18 | 2.19 | 2.20 | 2.21 | | Where: 3.0 | 3.1 | 3.2 | 3.3 | 3.4 | 3.5 | 3.6 | 3.7 | 3.8 | 3.9 | 3.10 | 3.11 | 3.12 | 3.13 || Who: 4.0 | 4.1 | 4.2 | 4.3 | 4.4 | 4.5 | 4.XX

Chapter 4.XX
An end to loneliness?

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